TOW the Method Acting
by SqutternutBosh
Summary: Estelle suggests that Joey should try his hand at method acting. The others, seeing an unmissable opportunity, have fun winding him up.


This was just an idea that has been floating around in my mind for a while, so I thought I'd write it and have a bit of fun.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with the TV show Friends. For the record, I also don't own anything to do with Brokeback Mountain or Ghostbusters either.

'I think I've become immune to caffeine,' Chandler announced, setting his coffee mug down on the little table. 'I just drink too much of this crap.'

'Mhmm, can't be good either,' Phoebe added, walking over to the end table. She set down her fresh mug of coffee and sat. 'Maybe you're just always on a caffeine high so you never notice any more?' Chandler looked at her.

'Yeah, because I'm just _buzzing_ with uncontainable energy,' he replied dryly. Phoebe ignored him and took a bite out of her blueberry muffin.

'I know what you mean though,' Monica said, from next to Chandler on the orange sofa. 'It doesn't even keep me awake anymore. I just fall asleep and the coffee gets cold… stains my mugs.'

'I think I might actually be slightly addicted,' Rachel confessed, having finished reading her magazine. She chucked it onto the table. 'Coffee seems to be our solution to everything.'

'And ice-cream,' Monica chipped in and Rachel nodded.

'Why not try coffee ice-cream?' Phoebe suggested, with a wave of her ringed hand. 'That'll solve all your problems.

'Not to mention all the money you'll save,' Chandler said, sounding unconvinced.

'Yeah!' Phoebe agreed, not noticing his sarcasm.

'I never even used to like coffee that much before this place,' Ross admitted. He was sitting in the green armchair, sunk comfortably far back. 'I only came here because this is where the bar used to be.'

'Ross, I think that's why we all came here,' Monica said.

Just then, the door opened and in walked Joey. He was wearing a long white doctor's coat, with a silver-grey stethoscope around his neck. He had a very serious look on his face as he approached the others.

'Halloween already?' Chandler asked with feigned excitement.

'Joey, you do realise that you're _not _Drake Remoray, right?' Monica asked gently.

'No wonder that stalker woman was confused,' Phoebe said.

Joey scanned them all over regally whilst standing behind the couch, his eyebrows furrowed. He took a deep breath, perhaps to enhance the drama of his pause.

'End scene,' he said finally, releasing the breath. The others continued to watch him, patiently waiting for answers. 'Hey, guys!'

'Uh… hey?' was the general response.

'Who's going to ask?' Ross questioned Chandler, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe.

'Maybe we should just make a rota,' Chandler proposed.

'In that case, I'll go,' Rachel said. 'So, Joey… basically, what's with the doctor get-up?'

Joey looked slightly confused for a brief moment, but then he looked down and remembered.

'Oh right- got so used to wearing it I forgot. I'm method acting.'

'Method acting?' Phoebe asked, intrigued. She leant forward slightly in her seat.

'Yeah. Estelle told me I should try it out- she said casting directors love it.'

'But you don't play Drake anymore,' Monica pointed out.

'I know, I know. But he was my biggest character, y'know? I'm just using him as a practice role until my next audition,' he grinned childishly. 'I get to wear this cool coat and necklace too!'

'Stethoscope,' Ross corrected.

'Stethy- what?'

'Ste-tho-scope, that's what it's called. It's not a necklace. You use it to-,'

'I know what it's for!' Joey said loudly, cutting him off. He sat down next to Phoebe. 'Checking the heart, right?'

'And we were worried that you _didn't_ know what it was for,' Chandler said sarcastically.

'Haha,' Joey said dryly. 'Shut up, I'm trying to be in character here.'

'I don't care how "in character" he is, if I start dying, please don't let him try and save me,' Chandler stated. Joey scowled at him.

'Whatever, dude. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my character. Take three!' All of a sudden, the serious look was back on his face and he appeared to be examining them all.

'Check me off the rota cos I've got another question to ask,' Ross told everybody, excluding Joey. 'Take three?'

Joey sighed. 'End scene. Yes, I have to do everything properly- if I'm going into character I need to say what take I'm on.'

'Well, why three?'

'Take one was my first which I had to end because a guy had a heart attack on the subway so I ended the take and ran. Didn't want to be mistaken for a real doctor.'

'Now that would be the end of the world,' Chandler said. Joey took the high ground and ignored him- after sending a quick glare.

'I ended take two to talk to you guys and take three just now for the same reason. So now I'm on four. See?'

They nodded, smiling slightly to themselves- he was really taking the whole situation seriously.

'Take four!'

Drake Remoray was back. He ran a finger down his stethoscope before picking it up, placing the ends in his ears and using it to check his heartbeat- on the wrong side of his chest. A look of horror crossed his face as he panicked and began tapping the stethoscope up and down his chest and stomach, never touching the place where his heart was. He released the stethoscope and fumbled round his wrist, trying to take his pulse with his thumb. He still felt nothing.

'I'm dead!' he cried. 'But- but I'm still alive? I'm alive! Ha- I cheated the Grim Reaper!'

Phoebe picked up the stethoscope- which was still dangling out of his ears- and pressed it against where his heart really was.

'Oh…' he muttered, face falling slightly. 'Thank you.'

'You're welcome, Doctor,' Phoebe smiled. 'Can I ask you a question since you're a qualified neurosurgeon?'

'Oh, sure,' Joey answered after looking a little taken aback. 'I'm sure I'm qualified enough to help you out- this question doesn't involve surgery, right?'

'It's about the voices in my head,' she explained airily. 'Sometimes I feel like they're against me, y'know? And they like to shout a lot. I mean, if they're going to say something, they might as well say something useful. Any suggestions on what I can do?'

'Uh… tell them to use their inside voices?' Joey said uncertainly.

'That might just do it- you're a genius, Doctor!'

'I try,' Joey beamed, with a carefree shrug. 'Now, if you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about work. It's hard enough being there all day as it is.'

'Tell me about it,' Chandler chipped in. 'My feet are killing me.'

'What?'

'Don't- don't you remember me from the hospital? I'm Jeff the gurney!'

The others grinned, eager to get in on the act. Joey lowered his voice to ask Chandler again:

'What?'

'I'm in character,' Chandler muttered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Joey raised his eyebrows and nodded, trying to take Chandler's comments in his stride.

'Of course I remember. You- you wheeled my patient to the ward a couple of hours ago.'

'It was the greatest honour working with you,' Chandler said.

'I thought you said it was the greatest honour working with me!' Monica gasped. 'And it should have been-I'm Francine, the best surgeon in all of Salem. I taught Drake all he knows.'

'I enjoyed working with you, Francine,' Rachel said. 'You're such an inspiration to us nurses…'

'Thank you, Nurse Green…ing. Nurse Greening,' Monica said.

'You're welcome, Doctor Hu-Humus!' Rachel responded with a nod.

'Humus?' Monica asked.

'Your father's a… vegetarian,' Rachel answered unsurely.

'What? That doesn't make sense!'

'And the rest of this does?'

'Doctor Humus wasn't the only one who taught Doctor Remoray,' Ross interrupted the pair.

'Th-then who did?' Joey asked, sounding worried. He'd been watching the others join in, growing more and more confused, looking between them all as they continued to create characters. It was hard for him to keep track.

'I did, of course!' Ross said.

'What would you know? You work in the morgue,' Chandler said. 'You couldn't _be _any less of a doctor.'

'I could be you,' Ross said scathingly, already starting to sulk. '_You_ just push people about all day, _Jeff_. At least I have a proper job.'

'Don't be mean to Jeff!' Monica snapped. 'A finer gurney there never was!'

'Yeah, Ros- I mean, Randall the morgue guy, don't be mean,' Chandler chimed in, intentionally irritating Ross. 'Listen to the Doctor.'

'Then tell her to stop messing up in surgery- there're so many people to deal with down in the morgue, I can't cope with any more!'

At that moment, Phoebe stood up, strolled over to where Ross was sat and slapped him. His head whipped around with a resounding crack.

'Pheebs!' he cried indignantly, clutching his reddening cheek. Monica, Rachel and Chandler were all laughing silently at Ross's predicament. 'What the hell?'

'What?' Phoebe asked as if it was no big deal. 'I'm Regina the janitor, Doctor Humus's best friend. You have no right to insinuate she's a bad doctor! She can't help it if there's a gooliewa epidemic and no cure!'

'G-g-gooliewa?' Joey asked, almost afraid of what was to come.

'Yes. Caught from contaminated pork rinds, no known cure,' Phoebe told him, returning to her seat. 'Affects the nervous system.'

'Oh. Oh, I knew that,' Joey said meekly. 'The nervous system, of course, who could live without it?'

'Oh no! I think I'm coming down with a case of gooliewa!' Chandler exclaimed clutching his throat. 'See, my eyes are-,'

'Alright, cut it out! End scene!' Joey snapped, standing up and waving his arms.

'We were just being in character,' Rachel mumbled.

'I got that. But, you're ruining it for me. I'm really trying to get this method acting thing right to get more jobs and experience. So, just… cut it out,' he finished lamely.

'Right.'

'Sorry, Joe.'

'Thank you,' Joey sat back down, only to jump back up again as his phone rang, playing the 'Ghostbusters' theme. 'I have to take a call.'

He walked away to the corner of the room. He muttered 'End scene' and answered, before anybody had a chance to sing along with the main line of the theme.

'Hello, Joey Tribbiani,' he started.

'Joey! It's Estelle!' Estelle said from down the other end of the line.

'Hey, Estelle. What're you calling me for?'

'I got you an audition.'

'That's great!' Joey said excitedly. 'What for?'

'Well, it's for a movie- "Brokeback Mountain". Supposed to be pretty big. I think you're exactly what they're looking for.'

'Sounds good. What's it about?'

From over on the couch and surrounding seats, the others watched Joey take his call. They saw as his face suddenly lit up.

'I think it's Estelle,' Rachel guessed. 'Oh… and she's got him an audition.'

'Wait, why is he shouting into the phone?' Monica queried.

Then, they watched as Joey pulled off his doctor's coat and crumpled it in his arms.

'Joey, wha-,' Ross began, but was cut off by Joey's shout. Joey started to pull the stethoscope off his neck, but decided not to, looking at it fondly. Then his face contorted with anger again.

'I quit method acting! I'm not wandering around being a gay cowboy! No matter how good I'd look in a Stetson!' he shouted, storming towards the exit. He almost crashed into a beautiful woman as she came through the door. His mood instantly changed.

'Hey, how you doin'?'

He began chatting to her and flirting. The others ignored his sudden outburst, knowing that they wouldn't be getting any answers from him soon anyway. Phoebe, however, was scrutinizing Joey from behind.

'I think he'd make a good cowboy,' she said, finally as Joey went to the counter with the woman.

'And a good gay?' Chandler smirked.

'You would know,' Phoebe retorted. Chandler pouted, outmatched.


End file.
